Deuces 2011! Jeni out...and hello 2012, you better be a great year or it's a wiener punch for you! I'm serious, I will wiener punch you so hard you will not remember your year. Consider yourself warned.

Well another year has gone by...as always all too quickly. I have lost things this year...40 pounds, a few friends and probably a bunch of crap I don't even know about. I have also gained a whole lot this year..new friends, self respect, a new (or returning) body, and a new appreciation for the little things. I watched my girls grow and change and my relationship grow a little and change. Overall was 2011 a good year? Yes, I think it was. 


The year started off like 2010 ended, with a lot of turmoil in my personal life. Anger, hurt, confusion, frustration and a lot of ugly words marked the beginning of 2011. Thankfully the year ended one hell of a lot better than it started. It's funny how just 12 short months ago I was writing a New Years post much like this as a much more unhappy girl, yet hiding it from most people. I was way too fat for my liking, was not happy at home, and still put on a smile every day like I was fine. Women have this amazing ability to be crying their eyes out every night but pasting a smile on every day for those around her. It's not always healthy but we do what we have to in order to make it through the day. I amaze even myself sometimes when I think back to how I functioned through one of the roughest times in my life. The months went by and things got better. I changed a lot during this time though. I have less patience in some areas, I shut down/off easier, I don't let things affect me as much, and if someone doesn't appreciate how awesome I am I can let them go a lot easier than before. I don't know if that is a good thing or not. We shall see.


Since 2009 I have been pregnant, breastfeeding, then pregnant and breastfeeding again. I gained (lost) and then gained some more baby weight. I had two children and changed my whole life to end up being who I am now...a mother. But his year I am finally not pregnant, not breastfeeding and feeling a lot more like the old Jeni. I missed her, she was really awesome. I'm glad she's back. Except now I am a mother of two, and a lot more confident and happy even in my new mommy body. It took a lot of hard work and that is still continuing. I have lost 40 pounds and still want to lose about 9 more. And I totally will cause I am just that cool. Pregnancy is a beautiful (and gross) thing. But some of the changes having babies brings I could seriously have done without. Since I know boys read this I won't get into the graphic details, but suffice to say, my body isn't exactly like it was before. But that's cool, I will consider them battle scars from creating new fucking life y'all. I made two humans!! I mean come on, that is a GD miracle. Humans!  


40 pounds lighter today and I feel amazing! Here I am a year ago (yikes)...

And here I am today (with some of my besties)....

Feeling good, looking good. Recently I decided to change the way I present myself. Dressing nicely and putting on makeup is no longer just for weekends and special occasions. I vow to dress up at least a few times a week for work and put on makeup every day. It is amazing how much of a difference dressing up and putting yourself together can make to how you feel. I walk with my head a little higher, a bigger smile on my face. Unfortunately some people just don't appreciate the new me...but you know what? I don't give a shit. This is who I am now and I don't have to prove myself to anyone. I am AWESOME and I know it..and I'm gonna show it so suck it haters! 


My girls have grown by leaps and bounds in the last year. Bailey was just 4 months old..

and is now a walking, talking toddler.

 17 months old and a little darling. She is a rolly polly little sweetheart but she is tough. She can hold her own against her 3 year old tyrant of a sister. She can express what she wants and can dance like no body's business. She for sure got my moves, lucky girl. 


Kayden is 3 and adorable, yet as bratty as she can be. A sweet little 2 year old a year ago....

She has grown into a self sufficient little smart ass.

She is funny, and smart, and has a come back for everything. She makes me laugh every day, and also makes me want to pull my hair out. I love every second of being with her, even when I want to whack her. We potty trained and argued and hugged and cried and laughed and played. I couldn't be happier.


I am hopeful that 2012 will see life getting better and better. Bailey will be going off to preschool before I know it. TJ will return to work and a whole new chapter will begin. Two full time working parents and two kids in full time childcare. It will be exciting and stressful and different. The commitment that TJ and I made to our children to have a parent home full time until they were ready to be in the more than capable care of Sunshine Nursery School and their fantastic teachers, will come to an end. It will be challenging, but good for all of us. I am anxious to see my girls grow but also sad that the baby years are coming to an end so soon. My little babies are toddlers, preschoolers, little girls instead of babies. Don't get me wrong, I am not having any more kids. I just want to make sure I appreciate every stage in their oh so short childhoods and take joy in every stage.


I have learned a lot this year. About myself, about my friends...about life. I have grown and changed and plan to keep on growing and changing. My true friends will be there through it all...you know who you are. I have a new appreciation for how well loved I really am. I am so very blessed to have so many amazing and long term friends. I have so many people who would, will, and have been there for me throughout my life and will continue to be there. Just as I will and have been there for them. I truly am a very lucky girl and I am aware of this. I will have to let go of people who don't appreciate me, and welcome with open arms any new friends into my life. So let that be a warning to you. I'm kidding of course...but only kind of. I no longer will let myself be devalued in any way. I'm gonna keep on keeping on. I cannot and will not let anyone drag me down. I will keep a positive outlook through it all. Head held high, no one will see me fall. Haters gonna hate, and they are welcome to. 


So another year ends and a new one begins. Like the sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. My new years resolution is to continue to grow and change. To make myself into the person I want to be. It's a never ending evolution, as well it should be. To become stagnant is to become pond scum. The waters have to keep flowing in order to remain fresh and healthy and so must we. I am not getting any younger but for sure I am wiser than I was last year or the year before that. For that I am thankful. And for another year I am grateful. New year, better me. This year I will appreciate the little things more. I will pay more attention to my husband. I will play with my kids more. I will stop and smell the roses. I will watch the sunset. I will take even better care of myself. I will be more thoughtful to those around me. I will be less selfish. I will participate more in my church. I will initiate phone calls with friends. I will prioritize better. I will learn more about photography. I will love more. I will hate less. These things I pray will come to be. I will try my best, and probably I will fail but I will not stop trying. Bring it 2012, I am ready for you. 


Happy New Year everyone! May God bless you with everything you need and some of what you want.