What you may or may not know about me...

I don't know if you all know this, but I'm kind of a big deal.  I have many leather bound books...my house REEKS of rich mahogany.  I have FIVE followers of my wonderful blog.  That's right people...five.  I have hit the big time.  I guess that means that at least five of you know how amazing I truly am and will read whatever drivel I choose to post.  Toot Toot!  That's my own horn if you didn't catch that.


But seriously, I wonder how many people really know me.  I think a lot, but who knows really?  So in the interest of partially full disclosure I am going to reveal some things about me and you can give yourself a test to see how well you know Jeni.  But don't cheat and be all "I totally knew that" when you totally didn't, cause I will know and call you a liar liar pantalones en fuego to everyone.  Then no one would ever trust what you say and you will end up sad and alone when really all you had to do was tell the truth.


This is going to be like in that magazine that I can't remember where they do, The 25 things you didn't know about so and so...except I am the so and so and its not in a magazine and I can think of 35 things.  I would be interested to know your score.


1. I will and do eat peanut butter and jelly straight from the jar with a spoon.  There are equal parts of each and I savor each spoonful.


2. I love peanut butter and honey sandwiches. (I am hungry if you didn't notice)


3. Any time I see a report of or hear about abuse of children it haunts me for weeks.  I can't get the images out of my head.


4. For years after my dad died I had two recurring dreams.  One was in black and white and has both a large TV style antennae and green blood as a feature, and the other has a train town style train in it which brings my dad to me.


5. I am a loyal friend and will defend my family/friends to the hilt.


6. My family says 40 loves to each other all the time and are very loud and overwhelming, aka awesome.


7. My dream would be to stay home with my kids and raise them.  That is more important to me than any job ever can or will be.


8. I am a registered democrat but vote by issue, never along party lines.


9.  I have trouble losing weight cause I like to eat too much.  However I did lose 22 lbs at Weight Watchers and kept it off for years until I had kids.


10. I love my mom and love to hang out with her.  She is an amazing person and people who talk bad about her make me want to punch them in the wiener.  So just don't cause wiener punches are not fun.


11. I really dislike people who are self righteous and/or cowards.  Don't be all I'm so great, when really you are just a crazy ass.


12. I have a great sense of humor.  I also use the term "I peed my pants" when something is really funny, but luckily have never actually peed my pants....lately.


13. Christmas is my very favorite season.  I love everything about it.


14. I watch waaaay to much crap TV and love every minute of it.


15. I only snuck out of the house one time when I was a teenager.  I was much to afraid of my mom finding out to try.  Erin Taylor was with me that one time.  Sorry, but she had to be thrown under the bus with me on this one.  Don't ground me mom cause I am big now and you can't.


16. I was a totally annoying thankless teenager...like they all are.  But now I rock so it all worked out in the end.


17. I love to watch HGTV but my house looks nothing like those fabulous homes 

18. I am never on time...I get there when I get there and that is the time I was supposed to be there. I don't like to be told what to do by the clock.  

19. I remember a lot of random facts and can recite them when needed. For instance, did you know that a newborn baby will maneuver themselves to their mothers nipple without help if allowed to do so...

20. I may or may not overreact sometimes

21. I love to talk to my friends but I suck ass at keeping in touch with people.

22. I believe that my family comes first and forgiveness is key. Some people are just different.

23. Karma is a bitch and she will have her revenge so be careful how you act and what you do cause it will come back to bite you in the end.

24. I rearrange my sandwiches so that you get some of everything in each bite...really, how hard is it to make a evenly distributed sandwich.

25. Mushrooms are disgusting, they grow in poop and make a weird sound when you eat them...gross.

26. Farts are funny no matter how old you are and really everyone likes their own brand...don't even front like you don't. LOL 

27. I treasure my friendships and like to think I work hard to keep them even though I suck at keeping in touch (see item 21).  I guess I do since they have been around for more than 25 years.

28. I try to be a good christian but sometimes its hard when certain people are not incinerated by bolts of lightning.



30. I take my kids and niece and nephew to see "kid" movies as an excuse to see the movie myself.

31. When someone is doing something that I deem stupid or weird I just say...they're just different. So if I say that about you, know you are acting like an idiot.

32. I have a fear of stealing and can't even accept too much change without having to say something to the checker...karma again.

33. I love Sonoma and have no desire to live anywhere else, ever.

34. My dad died suddenly of a heart attack when I was 8 and so I am always aware that every time you say goodbye to someone it could be the last time, so always say 40 loves. 

35. I like to tease people mercilessly...so don't do foolish things and I won't be forced to teased you. Sometimes people really force my hand.

36. I can't stand it when people spell things wrong, like your and you're.  I am the spelling police.

I hope you enjoyed this list, I think it's pretty great.  Post your score...or don't if you're lame.

Hello 2011! How you doin?

To start off 2011 I decided I needed to write a blog.  Why you ask?  Because I'm the boss of me, that's why.  I've never actually written anything like this before so it should be interesting to see how often I actually do it and how the rambling ends up.  I don't even know what to write or where to begin so lets just see how this works out, shall we? 


2010 brought a lot of stress, change, fun, laughter, yelling, excitement, hurt, and the list goes on.  I gave  birth for the second time in less than two years to my little angel, Bailey.  Poor thing didn't even have a name until she was at least 20 minutes old.  I see now why younger siblings have so many issues.  :)  


When Kayden was gestating I had her name picked out at about 4 months along.  It was a super easy pregnancy and was about as perfect as it could be.  By 7 months pregnant her room was prepped and ready for her arrival.  Crib made up, curtains hung, clothes neatly folded and arranged by size and type, changing table stocked and ready for that first ass-plosion.  It was a little creepy to be honest.  A room that sat untouched for months just waiting for a baby to fill it up with poopy diapers and barfed on clothes.  It was like one of those movies where the house is all dark and empty and you walk up to a door that creaks open to reveal a room frozen in time.  A shrine to what once was, except this was a shrine to what could be.  I found myself standing in the middle of that perfect room many times dreaming about what would soon be invading our lives.  I would imaging the tiny little perfect angel laying in the bed.  Then I would panic and think..."what the F have I done?"  There is going to be a BABY in this room expecting me to take care of it 24 hours a day.  What the hell am I going to do?  I actually found myself thinking a lot about what life would be life with a baby.  We had gone so long just being able to sleep whenever we wanted, go wherever we want, whenever we wanted.  It was a bit...OK a lot scary.  I would lay on the couch watching my stomach contort and roll (side note: which by the way, for those of you who don't know, it extremely freaky...it's a lot like there is an alien growing inside that will eventually try to rip its way out.  Which coincidentally is kind of what labor feels like) and think about how I would no longer be able to just lay around doing nothing...at least not for a while.  

When Kayden made her grand entrance into the world, life changed of course, but not like I expected.  I transitioned so easily into motherhood, it was a bit surreal.  Time flew by...she pooped, barfed, ate, smiled, laughed, babbled, crawled, walked and cut teeth all within the first nine months of life.  I breastfed her exclusively and let me tell you, not as beautiful as you want to believe.  The first 6 weeks were like someone was torturing me with nipple clamps every time she latched on.  Instead of gazing lovingly down at her downy soft head while she was suckling, I was squeezing back tears and trying not to scream until she got latched on.  I had dry, cracked and bleeding nipples (gross I know) and damn if those sons of bitches didn't hurt like hell.  I would be reciting the mantra "don't squeeze the baby, this is a beautiful bonding experience" through gritted teeth.  It got a lot better after those 6 weeks and I kept it up for an entire year.  I started losing the baby weight when she was about 10 months old until I stopped breastfeeding and losing weight all at once.  Weird I thought.  Until I was two weeks late with my period before I even realized it and lo and behold, I was pregnant again.  Enter Bailey the fetus.  

 Bailey's pregnancy was much different than Kayden's.  I was much more uncomfortable but still better off than most.  My hips felt like they were ripping in two and I had cramping and pain for months.  I felt and looked like a big fat beached whale.  No nausea though so I can't really bitch too much.  We couldn't agree on her name and so she was lovingly dubbed LaFonda Laqueshia Linfante by my friend Shontia.  Even though we were excited we were also 6 months into our house search.  As the pregnancy progressed and the house search dragged on and on, my focus was on the stresses of everyday life with a one year old and work and a husband, instead of the life growing inside me.  Poor second, middle, and/or youngest children.  They never get that undivided attention that the first kids always get.  I, being an oldest myself, never really got it and still only kind of understand.  I was always the one who had to look out for the younger ones, and by look out I mean boss around, which for everyone who knows me is still kind of my thing.  I am the ultimate boss-a-round.  Each child has their own set of issues surrounding birth order so just deal with it.  Oldest has to set the example and also gets the stricter end of the rules if you ask me...and you did by reading this.  By the time the second and third kids come along, the parents are so tired they practically get away with murder.  I had the early curfew, the strict rules about makeup and clothes, etc.  But I digress.  That is a subject for another day. 


Fast forward a few months and we finally are in contract on our house.  We finally get the keys and then...oh shit, now we have to move!!  I am seven and a half months pregnant and there is work to do on the new house and an old house to move.  Add in a one year old, a pregnancy, a husband and work and I was one tired ass momma.  Finally July 9th arrived and work took a backseat to enjoying my last month of pregnancy, and Kayden.  

Bailey came into this world 4 days early just like her sister, in 11 1/2 hours start to finish...days faster than her older sisters 2 1/2 days.  These first few months with Bailey were nothing like my first few months with Kayden.  With Kayden I would spend hours holding her and gazing at her perfect little face.  More still playing with her on the floor and taking pictures and videos of her every smile, drool, or fart.  Bailey didn't see the floor for almost two months and was gazed at for exactly the length of Kayden's nap each day.  She was poked in the eye, and force fed paci's...smacked in the face with toys and pushed aside when Kayden decided she wanted to be held.  I didn't even get a baby book for her till she was a month and a half old, whereas every poop was meticulously chronicled for Kayden along with the date and time and what her mood was as the poop was emerging.  No wonder Bailey hates to sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time.  She wants some one on one time.  I think younger kids end up more resilient because they are never the only kid around from the jump.  They have to fight for everything...attention, toys, food, time and for space.  


Life has not been easy these last months and I won't pretend it has.  The stress is weighing heavily on me and on TJ, and I just pray we can all make it through this time without losing our marbles.  So another year ends and a new one begins.  I hope that 2011 brings peace and enlightenment for everyone...me most of all.  If anything it will be a fun year as Bailey grows and changes into a toddler. 

This little adventure into the thoughts of Jeni is over for now...cause I am hungry and tired of typing and getting bored.  It feels like I just wrote a totally incoherent collection of rambling thoughts, which I am hereby going to publish for everyone and their mother to read and judge.  So judge away people...judge away.