Hello 2011! How you doin?

To start off 2011 I decided I needed to write a blog.  Why you ask?  Because I'm the boss of me, that's why.  I've never actually written anything like this before so it should be interesting to see how often I actually do it and how the rambling ends up.  I don't even know what to write or where to begin so lets just see how this works out, shall we? 


2010 brought a lot of stress, change, fun, laughter, yelling, excitement, hurt, and the list goes on.  I gave  birth for the second time in less than two years to my little angel, Bailey.  Poor thing didn't even have a name until she was at least 20 minutes old.  I see now why younger siblings have so many issues.  :)  


When Kayden was gestating I had her name picked out at about 4 months along.  It was a super easy pregnancy and was about as perfect as it could be.  By 7 months pregnant her room was prepped and ready for her arrival.  Crib made up, curtains hung, clothes neatly folded and arranged by size and type, changing table stocked and ready for that first ass-plosion.  It was a little creepy to be honest.  A room that sat untouched for months just waiting for a baby to fill it up with poopy diapers and barfed on clothes.  It was like one of those movies where the house is all dark and empty and you walk up to a door that creaks open to reveal a room frozen in time.  A shrine to what once was, except this was a shrine to what could be.  I found myself standing in the middle of that perfect room many times dreaming about what would soon be invading our lives.  I would imaging the tiny little perfect angel laying in the bed.  Then I would panic and think..."what the F have I done?"  There is going to be a BABY in this room expecting me to take care of it 24 hours a day.  What the hell am I going to do?  I actually found myself thinking a lot about what life would be life with a baby.  We had gone so long just being able to sleep whenever we wanted, go wherever we want, whenever we wanted.  It was a bit...OK a lot scary.  I would lay on the couch watching my stomach contort and roll (side note: which by the way, for those of you who don't know, it extremely freaky...it's a lot like there is an alien growing inside that will eventually try to rip its way out.  Which coincidentally is kind of what labor feels like) and think about how I would no longer be able to just lay around doing nothing...at least not for a while.  

When Kayden made her grand entrance into the world, life changed of course, but not like I expected.  I transitioned so easily into motherhood, it was a bit surreal.  Time flew by...she pooped, barfed, ate, smiled, laughed, babbled, crawled, walked and cut teeth all within the first nine months of life.  I breastfed her exclusively and let me tell you, not as beautiful as you want to believe.  The first 6 weeks were like someone was torturing me with nipple clamps every time she latched on.  Instead of gazing lovingly down at her downy soft head while she was suckling, I was squeezing back tears and trying not to scream until she got latched on.  I had dry, cracked and bleeding nipples (gross I know) and damn if those sons of bitches didn't hurt like hell.  I would be reciting the mantra "don't squeeze the baby, this is a beautiful bonding experience" through gritted teeth.  It got a lot better after those 6 weeks and I kept it up for an entire year.  I started losing the baby weight when she was about 10 months old until I stopped breastfeeding and losing weight all at once.  Weird I thought.  Until I was two weeks late with my period before I even realized it and lo and behold, I was pregnant again.  Enter Bailey the fetus.  

 Bailey's pregnancy was much different than Kayden's.  I was much more uncomfortable but still better off than most.  My hips felt like they were ripping in two and I had cramping and pain for months.  I felt and looked like a big fat beached whale.  No nausea though so I can't really bitch too much.  We couldn't agree on her name and so she was lovingly dubbed LaFonda Laqueshia Linfante by my friend Shontia.  Even though we were excited we were also 6 months into our house search.  As the pregnancy progressed and the house search dragged on and on, my focus was on the stresses of everyday life with a one year old and work and a husband, instead of the life growing inside me.  Poor second, middle, and/or youngest children.  They never get that undivided attention that the first kids always get.  I, being an oldest myself, never really got it and still only kind of understand.  I was always the one who had to look out for the younger ones, and by look out I mean boss around, which for everyone who knows me is still kind of my thing.  I am the ultimate boss-a-round.  Each child has their own set of issues surrounding birth order so just deal with it.  Oldest has to set the example and also gets the stricter end of the rules if you ask me...and you did by reading this.  By the time the second and third kids come along, the parents are so tired they practically get away with murder.  I had the early curfew, the strict rules about makeup and clothes, etc.  But I digress.  That is a subject for another day. 


Fast forward a few months and we finally are in contract on our house.  We finally get the keys and then...oh shit, now we have to move!!  I am seven and a half months pregnant and there is work to do on the new house and an old house to move.  Add in a one year old, a pregnancy, a husband and work and I was one tired ass momma.  Finally July 9th arrived and work took a backseat to enjoying my last month of pregnancy, and Kayden.  

Bailey came into this world 4 days early just like her sister, in 11 1/2 hours start to finish...days faster than her older sisters 2 1/2 days.  These first few months with Bailey were nothing like my first few months with Kayden.  With Kayden I would spend hours holding her and gazing at her perfect little face.  More still playing with her on the floor and taking pictures and videos of her every smile, drool, or fart.  Bailey didn't see the floor for almost two months and was gazed at for exactly the length of Kayden's nap each day.  She was poked in the eye, and force fed paci's...smacked in the face with toys and pushed aside when Kayden decided she wanted to be held.  I didn't even get a baby book for her till she was a month and a half old, whereas every poop was meticulously chronicled for Kayden along with the date and time and what her mood was as the poop was emerging.  No wonder Bailey hates to sleep for more than 3 or 4 hours at a time.  She wants some one on one time.  I think younger kids end up more resilient because they are never the only kid around from the jump.  They have to fight for everything...attention, toys, food, time and for space.  


Life has not been easy these last months and I won't pretend it has.  The stress is weighing heavily on me and on TJ, and I just pray we can all make it through this time without losing our marbles.  So another year ends and a new one begins.  I hope that 2011 brings peace and enlightenment for everyone...me most of all.  If anything it will be a fun year as Bailey grows and changes into a toddler. 

This little adventure into the thoughts of Jeni is over for now...cause I am hungry and tired of typing and getting bored.  It feels like I just wrote a totally incoherent collection of rambling thoughts, which I am hereby going to publish for everyone and their mother to read and judge.  So judge away people...judge away.